I Want Them Back

When you wake up to the news of 49 people shot dead in Orlando, Florida, you still have to eat breakfast. You have to keep up your strength. You may cry while you’re eating your eggs, but you need to fortify yourself for the day ahead. You can even crawl back into bed for a little while after you eat it, but please just get something in your stomach.

Crawl into your bed and think about the queer and transgender people you love with your whole self. It could have been them, it could have been them. Think about the latinx people you love with your whole being. It could have been them, it could have been them. Let yourself cry and feel everything you are feeling, but make sure to think, “It probably would not have been me.” Make sure to say it out loud. And think about why that is.

We live in a terrifying and violent country. In our terrifying and violent country, terror and violence are not dealt out equally. Queer people experience a hugely disproportionate amount of violence. Transgender people experience a hugely disproportionate amount of violence. People of color experience a hugely disproportionate amount of violence. Queer and transgender people of color EXPERIENCE A HUGELY DISPROPORTIONATE AMOUNT OF VIOLENCE.

I will not live in this world.

14 transgender people murdered in the first 6 months of 2016 is 14 too many. 21 transgender women killed, most of whom were women of color, in 2015 is 21 too many. 35 holy human bodies is too many. I want them back.

258 black people murdered by the police in 2015 is 258 too many. 258 holy human bodies is too many. I want them back.

63 acts of anti-muslim harassment and vandalism in 2015 is 63 too many. Even one holy human body affected by those acts is too many.

49 people murdered at pulse nightclub in orlando, florida on June 12, 2016. 49 holy human bodies, almost all queer, almost all latinx, is too many. I want them back. I want them back.

I will not, I will not, I will NOT live in this world. I promise I will continue to engage and to learn everything I can. I promise I will not turn away from the disproportionate experience of violence in queer communities, transgender communities, and communities of color, and every intersection there-in. I promise that I will have the conversations I need to have with people like me who do not experience this violence.

I love our grieving world and I will fight for it.